Jacob Gotwals

Jacob's Blog

When You’re Triggered, Feel Your Feelings

Once a young woman was in a relationship with a young man. She was happy with the relationship, except for one thing. She often complimented her partner, but he rarely complimented her. Over time, she grew resentful about this—but she never spoke about it. Gradually their relationship soured, and eventually it ended.

Her next relationship started well, but soon the same thing began to happen. She often complimented her partner, but he rarely complimented her. She wanted things to be different this time, but she wasn't sure what to do. One night in a dream, she met an old woman, and asked her for advice. The old woman said, “When you're triggered, feel your feelings.” She didn't quite understand what this meant, but she woke up before she could ask. (read more)

Presence (Part 4): What is Presence?

Finally, I'm ready to talk about presence itself. Presence is not about speaking or behaving in any particular way. It's not a feeling or emotion. Presence is a state of mind in which there is a clear knowing of what arises in experience—without distraction, and without the need to control experience. (read more)

Presence (Part 3): Uprooting Reactive Patterns Through Insight

Developmental psychology has shown that as we grow, what we perceive ourselves to be (that is, what we identify with) grows, too. At different stages of life, we may identify with different things: our body, our intimate relationships, the groups we belong to, the systems of thought we subscribe to, even the process of evolution itself. This is how the self evolves. (read more)

Presence (Part 1): What are Reactive Patterns?

I can't describe presence without describing reactivity first—so let's start by talking about reactivity. Reactive patterns are habits that affect everyone. They're driven by our attachments—our internal demands that things be a certain way. (read more)